Life Isn't Fair
I originally started writing this blog in May of 2017 and now I've picked it back up on April of 2018.
It's a pretty safe assumption to say that most people know the phrase "life isn't fair." We speak it to our children often when they complain that they can't have their way. Lately Evan has begun showing his strong personality. He knows what he wants when he wants it. When he doesn't get what he wants, he knows how to communicate that it's not fair! We didn't teach Evan to whine and cry when he doesn't get what he wants. It came naturally. It's humanity, really. Some of the things Evan typically wants most right now are milk, pacifier "paci", blanket "banky", basketball, hockey, Ruff ruff (kids show), Momma, etc... you get the idea.
His tendency to fight for what he wants isn't something he's going to grow out of. Yes- he won't always cry for milk. But when he gets a little older he'll whine because he wants to play outside longer instead of coming in to eat dinner. He'll throw a fit because he can't stay up past 8pm. He'll complain because he can't go to the sleep over. He'll argue that his curfew is too early. He'll consistently remind us that his other friends already have cell phones (or whatever the world has in 15 years). He'll be sure to tell us throughout his childhood and adolescence that things aren't fair. And he'll be right, basically all the time. It won't change when he grows into a man. He'll just accept the truth more gracefully and realize that we don't exist in order to make ourselves feel like we've gotten what we want.
Sure, there are things we want to get out of life that are worth pursuing. Sadly, though, our American culture takes this way too far. Our world tells us that we deserve this and that and that our fulfillment comes from this or that. Nice cars. Big houses. Stress free marriages. Expensive vacations. Best technology. Higher paying jobs. The American dream. I've always hated the heart of the American dream. Not because I'm against home ownership or living a happy life, but because it too often distracts us from real fulfillment in life. Fulfillment never comes with material things. There's always a bigger house to buy and a nicer car to own. There's always an easier relationship to pursue. There's always a more exotic vacation waiting and a more prestigious promotion on the horizon.
My life is full of unfairness. I had the right to start saying it when I was still in the womb. My mother, 37 weeks pregnant, wept it when she pulled the plug on my father's life support less than three weeks before I was born. He was hit by a kid driving a pickup truck with a snow plow on the front. That man never paid the price and justice wasn't served. It's not fair my dad died. It's not fair that teenager didn't face consequences. It wasn't fair that my mom became a widow facing 15 years of single motherhood trying to raise a 5 year old, one year old and a new born. It's not fair my grandparents lost their son in his 30's. It's not fair I never got to meet my dad.
I was forced to move in high school after my mom met her future husband. That surely wasn't fair. I wanted to finish high school in Wisconsin where my friends were. Just because my mom wanted to move to Michigan didn't mean I had too, right?! I held a grudge, of course. Cause I still thought that life was supposed to look exactly what I wanted it to look like.
I was helping my step-dad build our future home. The home I really didn't want to live in. It was the summer before my junior year of high school. My mom was getting pizza for us for lunch. We were on the roof nailing down the tar paper that goes under the shingles. Wind caught the tar paper and Rich sailed off the roof. We were two stories up. I thought he was dead, for sure. There we'd be, 15 years after my dad died. I'm now old enough to begin understanding. My mom finally decides to remarry and less than a year after she gets married she becomes a widow for the second time?! He survived. It was grace, for sure. It's a BIG drop and I'll never forget that moment. It's not fair that he had to go through the pain he did to recover. In reality, it's safe to say that it's not fair that he lived because others who faced similar falls likely didn't. My cousin Matt fell like six feet out of a tree and it changed his life forever due to a spinal chord injury. Where's the fairness in that? My step-dad basically makes a full recovery and my cousin fights pain the rest of his life?!
Of course it's the painful and major ones that stand out. Death and suffering, loss and grief are the challenging unfair things to accept in life. There's no great explanation and I don't write this to provide one. The lack of fairness is strife in our world. War, corruption, theft, murder, hatred, slavery... Here we are sitting in our comfortable little world throwing pity parties because we didn't get the promotion while a man makes bricks for dollars a day in rural India. We struggle to make sure our children feel like their lives are fair. Some children struggle to find clean drinking water. Some children have no parents. Some parents sell their children into slavery.
What kind of solace can we have in the lack of fairness in life? Maybe we can find comfort in knowing that so many others have walked in our shoes. So many others have had it far worse... And we can find relief in knowing that often the lack of fairness works to our advantage. Let's be honest, Christianity isn't fair. I'm more concerned about grace and mercy than fairness and equality. Next time you feel that it's unfair that you got passed up for the promotion, out-bid for the house, didn't get invited to that special event... take some time to reflect on the responses of those who have already walked a mile in your shoes and have a different perspective. That perspective is patience, grace & mercy. Along with it comes wisdom and understanding.
I intend to do some writing highlighting the lessons we can learn from Joseph in regards to this topic.
It's a pretty safe assumption to say that most people know the phrase "life isn't fair." We speak it to our children often when they complain that they can't have their way. Lately Evan has begun showing his strong personality. He knows what he wants when he wants it. When he doesn't get what he wants, he knows how to communicate that it's not fair! We didn't teach Evan to whine and cry when he doesn't get what he wants. It came naturally. It's humanity, really. Some of the things Evan typically wants most right now are milk, pacifier "paci", blanket "banky", basketball, hockey, Ruff ruff (kids show), Momma, etc... you get the idea.
His tendency to fight for what he wants isn't something he's going to grow out of. Yes- he won't always cry for milk. But when he gets a little older he'll whine because he wants to play outside longer instead of coming in to eat dinner. He'll throw a fit because he can't stay up past 8pm. He'll complain because he can't go to the sleep over. He'll argue that his curfew is too early. He'll consistently remind us that his other friends already have cell phones (or whatever the world has in 15 years). He'll be sure to tell us throughout his childhood and adolescence that things aren't fair. And he'll be right, basically all the time. It won't change when he grows into a man. He'll just accept the truth more gracefully and realize that we don't exist in order to make ourselves feel like we've gotten what we want.
Sure, there are things we want to get out of life that are worth pursuing. Sadly, though, our American culture takes this way too far. Our world tells us that we deserve this and that and that our fulfillment comes from this or that. Nice cars. Big houses. Stress free marriages. Expensive vacations. Best technology. Higher paying jobs. The American dream. I've always hated the heart of the American dream. Not because I'm against home ownership or living a happy life, but because it too often distracts us from real fulfillment in life. Fulfillment never comes with material things. There's always a bigger house to buy and a nicer car to own. There's always an easier relationship to pursue. There's always a more exotic vacation waiting and a more prestigious promotion on the horizon.
My life is full of unfairness. I had the right to start saying it when I was still in the womb. My mother, 37 weeks pregnant, wept it when she pulled the plug on my father's life support less than three weeks before I was born. He was hit by a kid driving a pickup truck with a snow plow on the front. That man never paid the price and justice wasn't served. It's not fair my dad died. It's not fair that teenager didn't face consequences. It wasn't fair that my mom became a widow facing 15 years of single motherhood trying to raise a 5 year old, one year old and a new born. It's not fair my grandparents lost their son in his 30's. It's not fair I never got to meet my dad.
I was forced to move in high school after my mom met her future husband. That surely wasn't fair. I wanted to finish high school in Wisconsin where my friends were. Just because my mom wanted to move to Michigan didn't mean I had too, right?! I held a grudge, of course. Cause I still thought that life was supposed to look exactly what I wanted it to look like.
I was helping my step-dad build our future home. The home I really didn't want to live in. It was the summer before my junior year of high school. My mom was getting pizza for us for lunch. We were on the roof nailing down the tar paper that goes under the shingles. Wind caught the tar paper and Rich sailed off the roof. We were two stories up. I thought he was dead, for sure. There we'd be, 15 years after my dad died. I'm now old enough to begin understanding. My mom finally decides to remarry and less than a year after she gets married she becomes a widow for the second time?! He survived. It was grace, for sure. It's a BIG drop and I'll never forget that moment. It's not fair that he had to go through the pain he did to recover. In reality, it's safe to say that it's not fair that he lived because others who faced similar falls likely didn't. My cousin Matt fell like six feet out of a tree and it changed his life forever due to a spinal chord injury. Where's the fairness in that? My step-dad basically makes a full recovery and my cousin fights pain the rest of his life?!
Of course it's the painful and major ones that stand out. Death and suffering, loss and grief are the challenging unfair things to accept in life. There's no great explanation and I don't write this to provide one. The lack of fairness is strife in our world. War, corruption, theft, murder, hatred, slavery... Here we are sitting in our comfortable little world throwing pity parties because we didn't get the promotion while a man makes bricks for dollars a day in rural India. We struggle to make sure our children feel like their lives are fair. Some children struggle to find clean drinking water. Some children have no parents. Some parents sell their children into slavery.
What kind of solace can we have in the lack of fairness in life? Maybe we can find comfort in knowing that so many others have walked in our shoes. So many others have had it far worse... And we can find relief in knowing that often the lack of fairness works to our advantage. Let's be honest, Christianity isn't fair. I'm more concerned about grace and mercy than fairness and equality. Next time you feel that it's unfair that you got passed up for the promotion, out-bid for the house, didn't get invited to that special event... take some time to reflect on the responses of those who have already walked a mile in your shoes and have a different perspective. That perspective is patience, grace & mercy. Along with it comes wisdom and understanding.
I intend to do some writing highlighting the lessons we can learn from Joseph in regards to this topic.
Comments
Post a Comment