Leaving PPM, Losing Avery & Joining Capstone: A Call To Trust God

This blog entry is part of a series that I put together at the same time, chronicling my 10+ year experience with Praying Pelican Missions. The series highlights my departure from PPM in November of 2016 and my transition to working with Capstone Homes, a residential home builder based in Ramsey, MN. Below are the blog entries associated with this entire story:

• My First Years With Praying Pelican Missions
• The First Time I almost Left Praying Pelican Missions
• Leaving PPM, Losing Avery & Joining Capstone: A Call To Trust God (this one's really long)
• A Tribute To And Reflection On My Time With PPM (Photo Album)

My time in serving with PPM has been an extremely joy-filled adventure. It has been really really challenging and stretching at times. There have been countless times when I've sat and been in awe at the impact that God has allowed me to have on the lives of so many young people and teams that have served on mission trips; churches, schools, and families that i've been able to influence and serve in Jamaica. There have been so many times that i've been extremely stressed and frustrated; but also times of a deep sense of purpose, success and victory. 

One thing i'm 100% sure of: God had me at PPM for a reason. That reason is crystal clear to me now, in retrospect, and it was something I continually discovered throughout my tenure with the organization. I was absolutely sure I was supposed to accept a full time position with PPM in 2008, and I was soon to realize I had no idea what I was getting myself into, lol. But I had no doubt that God wanted me at PPM. Thus, it was really hard to admit and accept that same surety when it was clear it was my time to leave. 

I'm a firm believer that life is too short to not love your work. My favorite song right now, a new one by Switchfoot, states "life is short, I want to live it well. Life is short, i've got a story to tell." While the song primarily is talking about making the most of our lives in the context of living lives of Christian faith, I believe the concept of loving one's work is often directly related. I came to a point where I did not love my work anymore, and that was one of many factors in my decision to move on.

Maya Angelou said, "You can only become truly accomplished at something you love. Don't make money your goal. Instead, pursue the things you love doing and then do them so well that people can't take their eyes off you." 

The journey of my decision to depart PPM and pursue a new career has been one of the most sure things that i've ever experienced in my life. I've told Emily and few close friends- i've never felt or heard God speaking to me in such a vivid way during my entire life. It's a refreshing and exciting thing to experience. Life here on earth has it's way of taking it's toll on one's Christian faith and I believe satan wants to attack Christians with monotony and complacency. Thus, the reality and reminder that God does clearly speak to his children, is so refreshing. 

It was around the time when I almost took a pastoral position in the Twin Cities that I also got my license to buy and sell residential real estate. It was a decision mostly out of curiosity and a desire to "dabble" in real estate as a hobby and potentially buy and sell my own house, help a few friends, etc. Emily was also in grad school and having a few extra dollars from some real estate transactions would pay off my expenses and contribute to paying down some of her increasing student debt. 

Rob Graham

Around this same time that I considered leaving and also got my real estate license, something changed drastically at PPM that had a great impact on my life and my work. His name is Rob Graham. He's hands down the best manager / supervisor i've ever worked with. I don't remember the exact date when Rob was named my supervisor, but it was timely, and kept me at PPM for a couple more years. I will echo what i've told so many others- "Rob Graham was the best thing that ever happened to PPM." (Therese Kaletka is the next best thing, if you're wondering). Rob's leadership style changed the way I viewed my work. He had a deep sense of purpose and passion behind his management. He challenged me in new ways and had an innate ability to bring the best out of me and others. I developed a deep sense of respect very quickly for Rob and his leadership and began seeing him as someone who would shape PPM in great ways moving forward. 

Fast forward a bit- Rob found himself in the midst of some major senior management decisions and fought the good fight for a while, probably close to a year. The details aren't necessary and I don't even know all the details, but let me put it this way- The things Rob was working on and striving to improve were sentiments that I shared with him. And Rob is miles ahead of my capacity for organizational leadership both in terms of ability and experience. 

South Africa With Evan & Losing Avery

Our son, Evan, is about 17 months old at the time of me writing this. He was born in July of 2015. This narrative takes an interesting turn in the spring of 2016. It was during this time when Emily and I were preparing to travel to South Africa (along with Evan) to lead a mission trip in July. We did that, and it is easily one of the highlights of our marriage thus far. Check out this blog for some details on our trip. Evan spent his first birthday in South Africa, how cool, right? At the same time, other things were happening- Rob continued his work to further develop and improve PPM as he had been appointed Vice President of Operations around that time, and Emily was finishing grad school. She actually accepted a job in April, but she would not start until late summer or early fall, as she would need to pass her licensing test and wait for her employer to finalize her documentation. The timing on this is key to the story... Since we wanted to for sure go to South Africa as a family, we decided Emily would drop down to 'casual' at her current job (ER nurse at a hospital) and thus we would forfeit our health insurance. We arranged to get Medi-Share, which is a Christian insurance-type program, which isn't really that great, but would cover us in case someone lost a leg or something. 

In August, we got pregnant! This was totally cool and we were super excited, as we'd be getting on insurance through Emily's new job real soon. It took a little while for her employer to finalize everything and she didn't start work until early October, and thus we weren't eligible for insurance until November. Emily was healthy and an earlier appointment showed that the baby should be doing just fine. She had another appointment in early November as soon as insurance kicked in, but things didn't go as planned. She called me the morning of the appointment and told me they couldn't find the fetal heart rate and that they needed to do an ultrasound that afternoon. Thankfully, I was able to join Emily when we found out our baby didn't make it. This was one of the hardest things we've had to go through. Emily may share more details about the loss of our second child- who was likely to be named Avery (boy or girl- we never found out the gender). 

In The Midst Of Our Miscarriage: My Departure From PPM

Thus begins a narrative that is bizarre in timing and mysterious with God's planning. Prior to us finding out about the miscarriage, Emily and I had only had brief conversations about what life would be like with two children, especially pertaining to me and my travel schedule with PPM. Certainly things would change a little more. I'm thankful that the last couple years I traveled much less frequently than I during my first seven or so years with PPM. For some reason, the day after we found out about the miscarriage, I brought up a discussion Emily and I have had many times over many years: Should I continue serving with PPM or do you think maybe I should do something else? Even with us finding out a baby wasn't coming in April as we had been expecting, the concept of me traveling for a few weeks at a time and leaving my son and wife (who was working full time and working very hard) at home had started to become less and less appealing. 

A consistent personal struggle i've had over the last couple years is the balance between serving full time with PPM while limiting my travel. It had become more and more hard for me to consider serving long term with PPM while not leading a lot of trips. At the same time it was becoming more and more hard for me to envision my future with PPM while being away from my family and life here at home in order to lead those trips. If I was serving with PPM, I wanted to be in the trenches, leading trips, and be on the ground serving in ministry. 

As Emily and I had this discussion again about my future, we prayerfully agreed that we would ask God to reveal his will to us if and when He wants me to make a career change. The next day we were on our way to the hospital so Emily could go through her D&C for the miscarriage when I got a call from Rob Graham. Rob knew we were heading to the hospital today and I wasn't working so I picked up the phone, as it may be important. I quote his words, "I hate to do this to you today, Jon, as I know you've got a lot on your plate, but I'm submitting my notice tomorrow and will be leaving PPM." In the midst of some challenges at work over the course of the last year or so I had told multiple people that if Rob ever left, i'd leave the next day. I was half kidding, but it ended up being more truth than I knew. Rob's departure was announced that Friday. The following four or so days of work for me were filled with some deep discussions with co-workers that I love so much, culminating in a number of hours with Matt Pfingsten, PPM's president and my cousin. I submitted my resignation the Wednesday after Rob's announcement and my departure was announced the following Monday. All in the midst of Emily and I mourning over losing our baby.

I didn't decide to leave PPM simply because Rob left. For a few days I was truly in turmoil. Of course I could continue serving at PPM without Rob around. But the departure of someone so influential deeply changes the identity of an organization. Maybe more than others, I had a strong sense of trust in Rob's leadership and guidance for our organization. And now, with Rob's departure, I found myself being one of the longest tenured employee's in our organization, sitting with a huge black hole of uncertainty ahead of me. Rob's departure truly was only part of my decision to leave, as God made things very clear in many other ways...

Laura Yoch, who began with PPM around the same time I did and also served as an intern with Emily and I, announced her departure a couple weeks earlier. She is expecting her third child in late December and is planning to stay at home. Emily and I have grown close to Laura and her husband Travis and her contributions to PPM cannot be overstated. She, like myself and Rob, will always be a Pelican. 

So let me lay a few things out at this point:

• PPM is going through some organizational management decisions, with Rob in the middle
• Laura Yoch decides to depart PPM to focus on her family
• Emily and I experience a miscarriage
• I strangely bring up the possibility of leaving PPM with Emily during the midst of our miscarriage
• Emily and I ask God for a sign clarifying my future career course
• Rob announces his resignation

It's at this point that Emily and I kind of start to realize something is happening here... I shoot from the hip and clean up my resume, and send it out to a few organizations and companies in the area. All the while, having conversations with co-workers about the future of PPM's organizational structure, my role, and being very honest with my co-workers (friends) about the possibility of me also leaving during PPM's time of transition. 

One of our devotions one night (in Mark Batterson's Prayer Circle book) is all about real estate. Other stuff happens too- all pointing to me making a decision to leave PPM.

I submit my resume to a company called Capstone Homes, a residential home builder in the north metro, along with a few other builders. Hey, I have my real estate license, and i've got a lot of experience in sales and recruiting with PPM, and I do love the housing industry. During these few days i've been very wishy-washy about my future. I've seen and heard from God that it seems like I'm not supposed to stay at PPM, but I would go back and forth a lot. I woke up on the Wednesday that I did end up submitting my resignation and I told Emily, "you know what, I think I need to stick around. I think I need to talk with Matt and let him know I'm committed and try to stay and help PPM navigate the changes ahead." It was yet another 'back and forth' indecisive Jon, not being confident in my decision. Heck, I have a really hard time when I need to buy toilet paper. Emily went for a walk, came back, and told me, "You need to do it, you need to resign. God is telling you that you need to and God is telling me that you need to." Almost instinctively, I checked my personal email on my phone the moment Emily said that. I checked my email like God told me to: "CHECK YOUR EMAIL JON, AND LISTEN TO YOUR WIFE." In my email was an interview request with a home builder (not Capstone). 

It was my final confirmation. It didn't matter what was to happen in the future. What mattered was that God was calling me to trust Him. What's the point of trust and faith if there's a strong sense of insurance and security supporting it? I didn't have another job lined up when I announced my resignation. Yes, I knew there were possibilities. But I finally made the decision because God again reminded me that He wants me to be finished with PPM, as hard as that may be to accept. That's all I knew for sure. So I went from being 100% sure almost nine years ago that I was supposed to take a full time job with PPM, to 100% sure that I was supposed to leave. I took a step of faith to trust God, and he delivered. I won't even get started on what my pastor, Brent Hall, preached on the Sunday after I announced my resignation and the Sunday before it was announced to our staff- only another ridiculously clear confirmation. 

There were other small things that happened, other ways I heard God speak to me- in the quiet times, in my times of prayer. But this was the icing on the cake. I wrote my letter of resignation that morning, brought it to Emily to proof read, and then we both cried and hugged each other for a while before I sent it. It's rare that I cry with my wife. Over the course of that week, I cried with her twice: when we found out we lost Avery and when we decided my ministry with PPM, now going 10 years strong including my college days, was finished. Of course I cried a ton in between that time as well- while I drove, when I was alone, with co-workers... and in mourning over our miscarriage. So many people poured out their love and prayers to us in navigating our miscarriage- and it's striking how many people have gone through the same thing.

Capstone Homes

I talked to "some guy named Ben" from Capstone the day after I turned in my resignation. I had an interview on the Friday afternoon of the week of my resignation announcement to Matt, an interview with another home builder (not Capstone). That morning I spent another hour or so talking with Matt in the PPM office just to get on the same page. It was a great talk that allowed me to depart PPM on really good terms, and ended with Matt and I praying together. I interviewed with the first home builder, who's name I will not mention. I was far from impressed. It was an excellent opportunity on paper, with a salary and commission opportunity that would easily pay me more than the position I had with PPM previously, but I frankly didn't like the couple people who interviewed me very much. They didn't seem passionate about what they did, they seemed robotic and boring. It was an option, nonetheless, and I did need and want a job. 

The following day I interviewed with Ben from Capstone. It turns out Ben is the owner of the company. It turns out Ben's grandma was getting baptized at my church a week after our interview. It turns out that my wife went to church and college with Ben's brother, who also works for the company. It turns out that Ben is a deeply committed Christian business leader who has established the seventh largest resident home construction company in the Twin Cities. Coincidence? I doubt it. Not anymore. My interview lasted like three hours and ended with me having a new book on my "to read" list about marketplace Kingdom economics and how our faith and careers are intertwined. It ended with a tentative job offer, which I heartily accepted a few days later after talking with Emily and seeking wise counsel from the likes of the great Mark Thurston's and Christopher Fry's- both great real estate professionals and well respected friends of mine. 

Thus, my new journey begins. I'm in the midst of a career change. The preceding story is how I came to this place. I have absolutely no idea, honestly, what i'm getting myself into. When I started serving full time with PPM I had been on a handful of mission trips, but nothing could have fully prepared me for the following 8+ years. I have had my hand in a half dozen real estate transactions, including my own home. But let's be honest, i'm wet behind the ears in so many ways. I'm super confident, though, that God has me here for a reason, just like I was so many years ago when I was 22 and driving up I-35 to the Twin Cities. I'm confident because i'm following God's lead. For one of the first times in my life, God has spoken to me so clearly, and then He has seemingly rewarded my faith and trust with an opportunity that will be blessing for our family and with a job that I potentially with love and be successful in. The last month has been very challenging- losing our baby, God calling me to leave my job, and entering a new job and career. But God continues to show His faithfulness and He always takes care of His people.